So, a while back I started Fuck Yeah Gay Advice with the intention of helping young and even on occasion older, LGBTQ people, and for a while, it was great. It’s a great feeling knowing that someone who doesn’t know much, trusts you enough to seek counsel from you, that someone looks to you to help guide them through a tough situation.

After a couple of weeks, I started getting hate mail. At first, it was very easy to brush off, I mean, how could someone I had never seen bother me. If they were not someone I knew in my real life, how could they effect me? Then one day, I caught wind of a post that had been made about the blog, and had been reblogged by people that I had considered friends, with some vile things being said, and honestly, it hurt. These people that I had considered friends were talking about the “owner” of the blog as being a nobody, and just someone who was trying to make themselves feel better, and it cut deep. Do you know that saying, “watch what you say, as you never know who you might offend?”, well that’s what had happen. I let someone else take my light away. I willingly gave up working on the blog because i felt hurt and betrayed.

A couple of days ago, I signed back into the blog today with the intention of deleting it. If I wasn’t helping people, why should it be there? Then I noticed all of the messages from people who had needed my help, who thought something bad had happened and wanted to make sure I was alright, and it hit me. This wasn’t JUST my blog any more. This blog belongs to everyone who needs someone to talk to, to everyone that needs some advice, for anyone who just needs to know that someone is simply looking out for them.

So I write this today to ask for everyone’s forgiveness, and to simply ask that we move forward, and as always, if you need someone to talk to, or need some advice, I’ll be here waiting.

Anonymous asked: is there such a thing as semi-transgender? like something in the middle? idk. i don't feel like i'm 'female' but i don't really feel 'male' either :/ tyia

Although I’ve never heard of being semi-transgender, I have heard of people simply riding the gender spectrum roller coaster, and there is nothing wrong with that. 

We as people become so obsessed with labels and what we are supposed to be. There are times when I want to play Ultimate Frisbee and punch stuff, does that make me a “Butch”. I love to cook and bake, and design stuff, does that make me “fem”? Some days you may feel more masculine, and other times you may feel more feminine. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Just enjoy it, and live your life in a way that will make you happy.

Anonymous asked: Throughout my life, I've been told that my kindness, trust, and selflessness was my greatest quality and virtue. However, I keep seeing it as my flaw.

Whenever I'm with someone, I give them my all and am as kind as I can be. Then it turns against me and they walk all over me. (It's as if men LIKE bitches).

I feel like I've become bitter and resentful. I feel like I need to stop being so kind and put up walls and.. I'm scared I'm becoming someone I'm not. A coupel of friends have told me it seems like they don't know me anymore.. and They've seen me in a state of venngeful rage. I'm not sure how I can just turn around and stop being so jaded.

It’s hard to walk that fine line of being a “good” person, and being yourself. I’m the same way, when I fall for someone, or hell when I make new friends, I will give them everything that I have, and it hurts when I do not receive it back. It’s hard to always put that smile on and pretend like you are ok. Know this, it’s ok to say no sometimes. It’s ok to tell some one to piss off because you’re busy. You must always have your best interests at heart, because if not, you’re only going to get more and more frustrated with the people around you.

You’re not becoming a “bad” person. You are simply learning that you’re not going to put up with any crap any more, and there is nothing wrong for that. Just remember not to let yourself get too jaded.

Anonymous asked: Hi! I am a gay young (under 30) male who needs advice. My current boyfriend likes to wear crotchless jockstraps and he even looks at pics of other men in crotchless jockstraps. He has mentioned to me that he would like to see me in a crotchless jockstrap but I cannot find any that fit my size. You see, I'm a bit on the big size. 6'7" and size 44 inch waist. I've searched the internet and I cannot find anything that would fit except for something called a suspensory jock that you wear after a vasectomy. Can this been be worn for sexual purposes as well?

A suspensory jock is basically a jock but with a whole cut through it for the penis to come through. Although I do not understand the sexual appeal of it, it may do the trick.

I understand what are going through though, I’m a bit of a bigger guy myself, and believe me, I know the pain of trying to find cute or sexy underwear or hell even clothing. Believe me, if he loves you enough, that jock wont be staying on for long. ;-)

Anonymous asked: Hi, before I get started I just want to say you are great for doing this blog and helping so many people.

Anyway, I've accepted that I'm Gay when I was 13, and some of my friends started discussing sexuality, one of them asked me whether I like girls or boys, I didn't want them to know I was Gay so I said nothing.. They then assumed I was Bi, and told nearly everybody in our year group I was, and people kept taunting me about it, which led to me denying myself, thankfully school has now finished for me, but I'm still having trouble with my sexuality, but with my family this time. Whenever a Gay man would come on T.V, my mum would say really homophobic slurs towards him, my Brother would make a disgusted sound whenever a Gay couple kiss (Except when it's women), I don't know where my Step-dad stands on the topic, but it just kills me inside when I hear my mum say those things, when I decide to come out, I will hear the homophobic remarks, and I retreat, I lose confidence, I lose my self-esteem.

I'm 16 now, and I don't know what to do..

Our families can be our greatest strength and our biggest weakness. Your mother and brother may have homophobic tendencies, but that doesn’t make them bad people. A lot of people only act that way because they think that is how they are supposed to act. 

When you are ready to come out, you will need to explain to them that this isn’t a phase or something that can be gotten rid of, and you need to explain to them that the way they are acting is wrong. They may be a bit apprehensive about it, but it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you or care about you. 

Also, remember, even if somehow your family doesn’t agree with it, your family is not only the people that you share blood with. It is also the people who care about you regardless of who you are or who you sleep with.

Anonymous asked: I've been with my current boyfriend for over 2 years... We've had our ups and downs but we both truly love each other. We were talking about ways to enhance our sex life and I mentioned the idea of a threesome. He is adamantly against it. I've noticed that our sex life has dwindled and we usually end up doing all the same things all the time. He says since we don't have sex a lot and I want to bring other guys into the picture, that I have lost sexual attraction towards him. I don't think that's true. I still feel attracted to him and I like having sex with him, but I just want to feel something new. Is it wrong to feel this way? Am I a bad boyfriend for telling him this? What should we do in our situation?

You are not a bad boyfriend. A sexual one sure, but not a bad one. 

Relationships are a funny thing, because in order to make things work, it has to be mutually accepted on, because it will cause problems down the line. The fact that it’s a sexual decision doesn’t make it any easier. 

Being with someone over a long period of time will lead to a bit of a slump, and you’re right, it can get a bit boring and monotonous. Is it only you who feels that things have gotten dull? I would suggest trying to spice things up one on one before trying to bring a new person into the bedroom. Tying each other up, role play, and a ton of other things can help put some kindling to a sexual fire that’s lost it’s glow. 

If you do want to bring someone into the bed room, keep it safe. Keep in mind, like the saying goes, when you sleep with someone, you are sleeping with every single person that has slept with them as well. Not counting HIV, there are a ton of other things that this person could bring into your lives that don’t need to be there. Another hard part about bringing someone else into the bed room is that it has to be someone that you both find mutually attractive, because let’s face it, sharing is caring.

All in all, keep it between you guys and try some new things before you try bringing someone else into your sex lives.

Anonymous asked: Like previous posters, I have fallen in love with my best friend and I have been in love with him for a long time. I know he is not gay or bisexual, and even if he were, he has been dating his girl friend for seven years and they look wonderful together and I am really happy for them and I would never want to have any part in breaking that. I don't know what to do, though. These feelings drive a wedge between us and it has become painful for me to be with him. To give you a sense of why this is: I had never been in love before and have been since. It was this that helped me come to terms with my sexuality. At once I love the time we spend together. I find everything about him to be perfect and he has been such a good influence on me in every aspect of my life as a friend. And yet he remains an elusive treasure I can never fully have. I wonder then if I should tell him so I can get closure or if I should keep it to myself and hope that I will eventually get over him so we can get back to the way things were.

He’s your best friend, of course you’re in love with him! 

It is entirely you’re choice if you want to tell him, but it’s a difficult choice to make. Some people can respond negatively to it, because it puts them in an awkward spot. Sometimes they feel like they won’t be able to trust you with problems that they are having because they feel that you won’t be giving them the best advice because you might be trying to sway them your way. Which could cause a bigger divide between the two of you guys.

or if he’s awesome, he will take it in stride and tell you he still loves you, and end up breaking your heart by telling you that you can never be together. 

There’s never a great ending to loving your best friend, but as I’ve said before, loving someone doesn’t mean that you have to be with them, and that’s the pain of being in love with your best friend. You have to love them from afar. As you said, he loves his girlfriend, and they have a strong relationship.

Be happy! Be supportive! Be the best friend that he needs!

Anonymous asked: I love your blog. It is especially poignant for someone like me who has not yet come to terms with my sexuality. I guess I know that I am gay, but there is still a really strong part of them that thinks I could be content with a woman. I have never had sex so, I guess I don't really know how realistic this is, but ostensibly plenty of gay men have been successful in living perfectly contented if not entirely fulfilled lives.

I guess the problem I face is that if I did come out I cannot imagine my homosexuality being such a big part of my identity. I am a musician, a student, an amateur philosopher, a lover of food and cooking, a math and science enthusiast, who happens to be attracted to men. My great desire in life is to have nuclear family and certainly I know I would have to give up my desire to have biological children with my partner. I can sum it up by saying that I find gay pride parades and everything they represent to be incredibly offensive. I don't want to be part of a group of people who represent themselves by walking around in public in their underwear often with pornographic film studios joining on their own floats.

My question is how do I navigate this as I try to come to terms with my sexuality. How can you be "normal" and homosexual, when it seems that everyone both outside and among gays views being gay as making you fundamentally different?

It took me a little bit of time to respond to this, because I wanted to think it over.

The simple answer: 

Don’t judge yourself against others to validate what you are feeling. 

The long answer: 

It’s very true that we could biologically be with someone of the opposite gender and live with them and have families, but do you really think it would be fair to your partner, that you’re only using them so that you can live a “normal” life. I don’t think that would be fair to you, or to your partner.

I think you are experiencing a bout of internal homophobia. Think about it this way, group of guys and girls, all straight, go out and get drunk and act like asses, and end up having sex with each other. Do you think that they represent ALL straight people? No, that is simply a slice of what the straight community has to offer. 

You don’t want your homosexuality to define you, then don’t let it. As you said, “I am a musician, a student, an amateur philosopher, a lover of food and cooking, a math and science enthusiast, who happens to be attracted to men.” Good, then be that guy! There are plenty of gays out there that are just “regular looking people”, and in truth, that’s all that we are. Regular people. Being gay isn’t some kind of awesome power or an extra head or something, so don’t treat it as such.

As for Pride Parades, yeah it is true, some of the floats can get a little “off color”, but that’s the beauty of a PP, they embrace everything in the culture of homosexuality. It would not be a parade of acceptance, if you were only invited if you fit one type of mold and nothing else. 

Your idea of a “normal” homosexual is kind of ignorant. I don’t say that to be mean, but normal is relative to whoever is looking. What you see as a normal couple living together, others might see godless heathens who are living together out of wedlock. 

You are different. Some people hate science and math, or don’t like to cook. I sure there are things that you like, that other people hate. You are a human. Live your life based on what makes you happy. Do not let someone tell you that you are wrong just because you are not the same as they are, because they are most likely different from someone else. 

If you have any more questions, don’t be afraid to ask.

If you guys have anything you want to ask, just ask. 

Even if you know the answer, and you just want to compare, ask. 

I look forward to hearing from you guys… and gals.

“Don’t make someone your first priority, if all you are is their last option.”